Do you find the idea of doing anything away from home, especially at night, dreadful? I remember being very concerned that an evening class would interfere with my Thursday night ritual of drinking and watching Survivor. This was probably close to 20 years ago, but the idea of not being able to sit in my lounge wear, drinking a few “Tom Collins” and watching reality television was upsetting to me.

Fast forward a few years, any invitation in the evening would mean I would have to alter my routine of drinking, especially if I had to drive. I would sit through the meeting, etc and think of how late I would get home and if it would still be possible to have a drink when I got home. I resented having to do anything that would interfere with my drinking. Sadly, this included going to my kid’s concerts and assemblies. I hated dealing with anxiety without the use of my only coping mechanism.

If you find yourself avoiding invitations or activities that interfere with your evening ritual of drinking until you are muddled, then you might have a drinking problem.

For me, my quiet slide into daily drinking was a way to provide space for myself, quiet the noise in my head. It became very isolating. Since I have stopped drinking, I am much happier to talk to people and be social.

Today marks 3 weeks sober for me. I remember a time when I did the hard things without needing a drink. Now, I am proud to be in a position to help someone any time of day or night. I am not losing anything, only gaining.

I imagine that when I am older and grayer I will still be able to catch up on the drinking I am “missing” if I choose to in the future. I will never get these years back with my family or even with the neighbors I have been avoiding.