30 days isn’t much in the grand scheme of the universe. For someone who is drinking daily, 30 days feels like a lifetime.

I was not a teenage drinker. I didn’t even drink much in college. I had a lot of fun in college and in high school and did not need to drink. I used to laugh a lot. In fact, I was a model student in every other way, but I would get in trouble for laughing.

There were some good times when I drank as well. When I was in high school, I prided myself on my ability to enjoy myself and have fun without alcohol. The change in my attitude towards alcohol started in professional school. It was a high stress environment with little time for anything but work. When you had down time, you drank. I imagine that this is a similar experience for many graduate level programs, you drink to get drunk.

This is where my Pavlovian cycle of stress/discomfort/alcohol/relaxation began. I wasn’t drinking for fun, I was drinking to forget. Drinking to stop feeling the fear and the negative emotions. Drinking to take the edge off. Drinking to numb my brain and feelings.

For a while this in an effective way to relieve stress. Alcohol is addictive and for many people, the dopamine fix leads to a cycle of adapting to higher amounts of alcohol for a diminishing level of “relaxation.”

Numbing your feelings can seem like a good idea, especially when your feelings are negative. Alcohol numbs your good feelings too. It flattens you out until you feel like you are in Groundhog Day. I did not want a joy-less, flat life.

25 Days into not drinking and I feel more alive. I laugh more, I get mad more but I feel alive. I think everyone, even those who don’t feel like they have a problem with alcohol, should go 30 days without drinking. 30 days without drinking to remember a time when you had to deal with your emotions, life, hopes and dreams without numbing your brain. You may find there is no difference. You may find that you are stronger, smarter, happier and more alive than you thought.

The first few days are the hardest, the chemical and physical dependency is real, stick with it for 30 days and decide for yourself!

There are many groups dedicated to a 30 day trial of an alcohol-free lifestyle. I did not partake in a formal group, I just used a habit tracker ap and listened to podcasts. Check out Belle’s group on “Tired of thinking about drinking” and the “This Naked Mind” Community.