Do you ever feel like you are are the set of the Truman Show? When I was a kid, before the movie even came out, I felt like I was on a show of my life. I am sure this a psychological milestone that all kids reach and that I was not unique, bu it certainly wasn’t something I ever told other people. I wonder if my anxiety was a cause or an effect of this feeling of being watched/judged.
Between work, virtual school, cooking and cleaning and general living, I don’t watch much television. I am a child of the 80’s and I love me some trashy television, but during the week we don’t watch tv.
Yesterday was a rainy Saturday and we were lounging around, watching tv. Hotel Impossible is a family favorite, I like rooting for the underdog. It’s like watching Kitchen Nightmares without the constant bleeping of F-bombs.
The particular episode we watched on this lazy, rainy Saturday was about a hotel in Hershey, PA where the manager was an alcoholic. He had been through treatment and had decided that he was no longer a problem drinker. Obviously, this was not the case. It was sad to see the level of denial people who continue to drink live in. I remember justifying my drinking many times by saying “it’s not hurting anyone.”
I recognize that even with those around me being unaware of my drinking problem, it was hurting everyone around me. From erratic moods and unrealistic expectations to a lack of truly being present, my drinking seeped into all aspects of my life.
Later in the day, we watched an episode of Seinfeld, in which James Spader is an alcoholic in recovery making amends to everyone but George Costanza. I have watched all of the episodes of Seinfeld several times over and I don’t remember watching this episode before.
Later (this is a rainy Saturday lazy day- don’t judge me) we watched a 30 Rock Episode in which Liz follows a guy she is interested in during his lunch hour. He is going to an AA meeting and Liz pretends to be in AA in order to get to know him.
It was an eerie feeling to watch 3 shows out of 6 dealing with alcohol abuse. Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something.
It’s been 31 days since I last numbed ny feelings with alcohol. In this time I have not had any life altering experiences. What I have experienced is awareness. Maybe we aren’t always ready to deal with awareness, the 60 year old man on Hotel Impossible was not.
There are many things I did in my 20’s that I no longer do in my 40’s. Eating at Buffalo Wild Wings, watching Survivor and going to “Ladies Night” at the club are just a few. Drinking alcohol falls into this category for me now, it is one of those things that I no longer do, it’s just not part of my day. Instead of feeling guilty about the past, I am focusing in the positive steps I am taking for a better today.
If you seem to focus on the drinking behavior people in movies and tv shows, maybe the universe is telling you it’s time to find a new hobby. Give in to reverse peer-pressure, you don’t have to drink!